I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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