Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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