My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
