Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This is the high leading the old right now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
