Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
