I am puke
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
