If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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