cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
