Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
