i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
