she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
