I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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