I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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