Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
