it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
