...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
