i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
