i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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