you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
