her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
