I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
