I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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