he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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