Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize