butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
As shirtless as possible
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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