he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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