Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
