please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize