Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
