the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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