I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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