my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
