Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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