I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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