Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize