so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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