How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
