Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
