What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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