You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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