I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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