I didn't shave. On purpose
I bet he comes in French.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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