her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
