apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
