I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
