onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize