No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Life is so much better after having sex.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
