we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
