Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
