i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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