Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
