Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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