I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
