I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't turn off my feet"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
