is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
