Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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