Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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