Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
