There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
