problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
