grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
