He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize