Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
