they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My ass is underappreciated
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
