Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
