new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize