I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
