Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize