I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
