Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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